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Why do we remember embarrassing things so well?

"The explanation is quite simple," says a brain researcher.

Two people smiling and talking outside a café with outdoor seating.

Paula Nguyen (23) and Warda Chakiri (24) can think of several embarrassing things they have done, but they do not remember embarrassing things others have done.

(Photo: Ingrid Schou)

Ingrid Schou Ingrid Schou journalist

Published 15 May 2026 - 00:01

Even though 17 years have passed, Paula Nguyen (23) still remembers it as if it were yesterday.

"Oh. I was just so embarrassed," she tells Science Norway.

That may be exactly why the memory has stayed with her for so long.

Why do we remember embarrassing things so well?

Smiling woman standing outdoors in front of a blurred city street background. — "I feel embarrassed just thinking about it, even 17 years later," says Paula Nguyen.

We replay it again and again

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"The explanation is quite simple," says brain researcher Benjamin R. Kanter.

When something embarrassing happens, we become like actors rehearsing a script. We think about what we said, what others did, and what we perhaps should have done differently. And repetition is one of the best memory techniques of all time:

"I practised over and over again," Banan Sultan told Science Norway after setting a world record in memory.

So what happens when we keep replaying something in our minds? The memory becomes deeply stored. Maybe forever.

"That's definitely true for me," says Nguyen.

Portrait photo — Benjamin R. Kanter is a brain researcher at the Kavli Institute at NTNU.

Without trousers

When Nguyen was in first grade, she went on a school trip. Her teacher was walking beside her while the other children were ahead.

"I was only going to jump down a small ledge, and suddenly my trousers were completely off," she says.

A boy in her class turned around and stared at her.

"There I stood without trousers, completely frozen," she says, laughing.

It was a small and harmless incident.

"I don’t think the others remember it today," says Nguyen.

But she does.

"I think about it sometimes, even though it really doesn’t matter," she says.

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The brain has its own 'glue'

"We remember things that stands out, whether they are good or bad experiences," says the brain researcher.

It could be an embarrassing moment, but also a really fun party or a scary film. According to Kanter, these experiences stand out among all the ordinary things we do not need to remember.

"Strong emotions cause the brain to release substances that make memories stick even better," he says.

Imagine people pointing and laughing. Your cheeks become hot, and you get a knot in your stomach. At the same time, the brain makes sure we remember it. It's as if the memory has been glued into place.

"Hopefully so you can avoid the same situation in the future," says the researcher.

Smiling woman in a dark top posed outdoors with bare trees behind her. — Hanna Nyborg Støstad has a doctorate in evolutionary biology. She has researched why we have become the way we are.

Mortifying

Hanna Nyborg Støstad is an evolutionary biologist who studies why humans have developed the way they have. According to her, emotions like happiness, sadness, and embarrassment have all played an important role in human evolution.

"Humans are social creatures, and that means it's incredibly important for us to belong to a group," she says.

We need to understand what is acceptable and what is not, and adapt accordingly. Embarrassing experiences can teach us those lessons very quickly. 'Now I’ve made a fool of myself. I’ll never do that again,' is probably something you have thought before.

Even though something feels mortifying, it is fortunately harmless.

"But in the past, being excluded from a group could actually be a matter of life and death," she says.